nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My feet surprised me
Randomize
