Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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