Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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