ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
