woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
