Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
