all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
