that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
