In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
