my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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