Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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