Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
