I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
