At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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