Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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