shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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