My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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