I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
