i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
me + whiskey = a bad person
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
