I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
