Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
