I want to walk on stilts...naked
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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