so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
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What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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