My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
