I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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