she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
