It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
