how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i out mim tonsoeep
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