I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
