she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
People in love make me want to vomit
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
