You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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