um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So many bounce houses so little time
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
