Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
