I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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