I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
