she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Randomize
