How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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