I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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