I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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