I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
