my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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