Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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