I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
