Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
