so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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