So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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