I cockslap morals
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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