I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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