I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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