So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
