Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
