Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
