I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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