too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
