So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
