so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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