wakey wakey hands off snakey
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
