He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
