I am full of burrito and curiosity
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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