i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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