i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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