i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
