i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
