My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
