make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I stole a fireplace last night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
