I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
