$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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