you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
