Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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