Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
