it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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