I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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