I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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