im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
