ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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