You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
